the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
