I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
