my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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