I wish my penis had an off switch
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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