WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
