How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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