Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
