ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
