I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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