I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
