No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm always down for nudity.
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