Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
