his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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