Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
