So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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