Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I need help removing her.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Randomize