It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
