nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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