Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Of course I have a pirate flag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
