3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
