we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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