Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize