1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
