Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
