Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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