Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize