I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
