haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
