if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
