My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
