We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
