His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
