We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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