I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
