Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
