DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
