He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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