and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
