just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
