Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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