Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
