My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
