i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Boobs are out for the taking
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
