what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
MIDGETS
????
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
