He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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