he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize