Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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