just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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