No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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