Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
