kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the raccoons are back...
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