In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize