so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
