i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
