clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
