You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
50% drunk capacity currently
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
