the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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