Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
