My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
