I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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