I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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