I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
porn star boner night. come get it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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