you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
