He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
