I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't make out with my wife yet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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