I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
