So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sobbing to NWA
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
