I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize