I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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